I don’t feel like trying to make complete sentences and structure.
I have been falling asleep to the sounds of friends all around me.
I have been so blessed to be able to travel around and hang out with kids lately.
I love the feeling of the road beneath me as I sleep.
Spending time in prayer is so beneficial and underrated.
The winter weather feels great.
I hate having cold hands.
What can I do to further God’s kingdom?
I still want to start a non-profit.
Wall-E is out on dvd.
English class is horrible.
Aaron Marsh needs to cheer up.
Turkey is a lot more expensive than I imagined.
Can people please stop complaining about everything?
”What if we decide everyone is important?” That phrase has stuck with me for the last couple weeks. Decide is a verb. Therefore it requires action. My attitude sucks. I want to love everyone. I just don’t want it to cost me anything. I can’t have both. When am I allowed to say ”Yes” and when am I allowed to say ”No”?
Jesus I need to be like you.
What if I were like you?
I need my grace than I thought.
I always need more when I think.
Thank you for the encouraging words.
I hope you are all ready for the holiday season. Please remember what it is all about. I am begging you.
This as been one of the busiest seasons of my life.
I have been juggling school, work, music, church and friendships making me an incredible busy individual. I am in no ways complaining, merely stating the fact that I am rushed, and hurried a lot of the time.
This weekend was a nice break. At the very least from some of my responsibilities.
Halloween was a lot of fun. I got to see a lot of Friends and Family.
Saturday was fun I got to see more Friends and Family.
Sunday was again great because you guessed it : Friends and Family.
I am being brief about the events of my weekend; not to shy away from detail but, because the reason for my writing this particular blog is a different matter than the events of my personal life.
This Sunday At Oak Leaf Church as I am rushing around between services in the lobby, out of the corner of my eye I catch a young couple dancing slowly to a song over the background music. I stop for a moment and watch the two laugh. Goosebumps form on my body as the couple smile and embrace each other for all to see. I am stuck in the lobby staring. I look around to make sure no one is watching ME watch them. I decide that would be weird. By the time I glance back at the couple they have resumed a normal speaking distance and exited the stance in each others arms. For some reason I am standing here feeling like this is important. Like this moment is important. Nothing profound has happened. But This scene seems to carry so much weight.
I realize as I walk back into the service and put my bass guitar over my shoulder, that the old cliche still rings true: ” Where you stand determines what you see ”.
I have no way of knowing the fullness, purity and legitimancy of the couples love. But from where I stood it looked good to me. Somedays that’s enough to get me by.
Seeing Love lived out and spilling over is something I wish i saw more of.
Not just the romantic sense. A love spilled that transcends our understanding for each other.
If Loving is Easy It Wouldn’t Be Love.
The Bible backs that up I am positive. Love is patient kind and not self seeking. Never rude or proud. Those things don’t always come easy but it feels good to try. I am ready to get out there and exhibit qualities outside myself. Attach myself to something more than myself. I am not there yet but I am past the start.
God is revealing to me a little bit about the perception I have towards him. More on that later.
The general idea is God has been putting in my heart a desire to start a Bible study for men in the Kennesaw area for quite some time.
I have tried ignoring it.
I have tried claiming I am the wrong guy for the job.
I have tried reasoning that I am not the right person to do it.
I simply can not shake that I need to know more about what it means to model Jesus Christ, and I know a lot of people feel the same.
If you are interested email me at robert.k.russell@gmail.com. Or call me: 770 366 9397.
Know I am a little unsure of what this is going to look like logistically.
I just want to study the Bible and the applications it has to our daily lives.
Thanks guys and gals !
ALSO :
There has been a plethora of new music come out lately.
For instance this song is incredibly infectious and has been stuck in my head for the past couple weeks.
AND:
The new ”Copeland” and ”Ray Lamontagne” albums are pretty cool. I like what I hear.
This is an excerpt from a book I am going to buy this week called ”The return of The Prodigal Son”. The author is Henri Nouwen.
“Constantly falling back into an old trap, before I am even fully aware of it, I find myself wondering why someone hurt me, rejected me, or didn’t pay attention to me. Without realizing it, I find myself brooding about someone else’s success, my own loneliness, and the way the world abuses me. Despite my conscious intentions, I often catch myself daydreaming about becoming rich, powerful, and very famous. All of these mental games reveal to me the fragility of my faith that I am the Beloved One on whom God’s favor rests. I am so afraid of being disliked, blamed, put aside, passed over, ignored, persecuted, and killed, that I am constantly developing strategies to defend myself and thereby assure myself of the love I think I need and deserve. And in so doing I move far away from my Father’s home and choose to dwell in a ‘distant country’”.
Wow.
That is exactly my thought process in a more elaborate and intelligent nut-shell.
I have started this post several times unable to convey all the thoughts that are on my mind.
No form of organization sounds adequate to express the tangled mess going on upstairs.
Instead of boring the reader with an arbitrary collection of useless information on the forays of my personal endeavors, a quote should suffice my appetite to share a portion of my life with the world wide web.
”A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading, I must finish by acting. ” Henry David Thoreau
Thoreau understands the Bible better than I.
How can I claim to give Jesus my all.
So this is who I am:
I am an idealistic, elite, who struggles to let go of his preconceived notions.
While acknowledging without hesitation something greater than I is daily working.
I am not a part, or apart from that work.
Residing somewhere in that lukewarm spit from the mouth of God.
I rest my weary head, praying to be complete.
Lacking motivation.
Wanting to fight.
That’s who I am.
Just a Kid trying to make his way through the narrow door.
Last night I played Bass at Oak Leaf Church and it was such a nostalgic and good feeling to be back in Church doing what I love. Everyone involved at OLC has such a good heart and really wants to see something big happen for students in the area. It was really amazing to see close to one hundred kids come out for our opening night ( especially when we expected like 15 kids ).
God really revealed himself to me last night. I felt aware of his presence for the first time in a while. I say AWARE for a reason. That being, I know he is always longing for me to CHOOSE him. I am just so blind deaf and dumb sometimes ( ok most of the time ) to see him work right in front of me.
God told me last night through the presentation of the word Michael gave that I have got to put the stones down.
” Let he who is without sin cast the first stone ”
I realize often times; it is I, and not my peers who is casting stones.
The sad part is the target is myself.
I love to beat myself up and think I am not good enough, but God is calling us to ” Go and Sin no more ”.
Not to keep beating ourselves up every time we fail.
God allow me to live redeemed with your love. Aware of your spirit. And not with a heart of fear and timidity.
Lately the enemy has me convinced I am not good enough. And as much as that may be true, I am starting to understand that so long as I become less God must become more. And it is starting to feel like surrender all over again.
Thank you for praying for me, reading my blog, or texting me or anything you may do for me.
I am probably not vocal about how much you mean to me.
All of you.
God uses you to bless and enrich my life, and I hope that I can return the favor.
If you need someone for ANYTHING call me 770 366 9397.
I want to be there for you.
Seriously.
“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”- 2 Corinthians 5:21
How do I do that. I want that. I don’t feel very righteous even in the eyes of men. But to be called like the righteousness of God; Wow. I can barely understand what that means. I really don’t. I never will. I am a broken thing. I have conceptions and notions that do not speak truth. I have a heart aching to see good, but my actions are not credible to this attribute. I have tried almost anything to get where I need to be. I have fasted, read the word, been to church and sang some songs. God move in me. No amount of action can help me attain it. But no amount of apathy can expedite my situation. Relationship with God seems more like a dance than a parade. I want to march on. God wants me to care, wants to lead. I can’t seem to figure out what the beautiful surrender looks like sometime. I lack, and I know I lack.
Every prayer I lift up starts with me asking two things. You may join me. It will be beneficial.
1. Give me wisdom.
—Solomon found favor with God by praying for wisdom. I wish I felt more wise. An applicable wisdom.
2. Let me seek God’s heart.
—David was a man after God’s own heart. I am not there yet, but I am past the start. Take away my distractions.
What else is going on ?
The Trinity of my life involves : Music, School, and Work. Right now they are all three kicking my tail in one regard or another. I have found a lot of relief in getting to spend a lot of time in Atlanta lately with some new friends and some old. ( Both equally enjoyable parties to be around I must say. ) It really has been a much needed break from the reality of my life right now. I feel so busy all the time. I feel blessed. Thanks a lot if you have been involved in the past couple weeks of my life. I feel like I am waking up and continuing the process of learning to love humanity. I live on the hope we share in bringing Heaven to the here and Now.
I am so glad I am waking up, calming down and settling in.
Sometimes it feels tough to fit in your own skin, with such big shoes to fill and socks to sew.
But lately I can see again.
We are all so connected. It gives me hope to know.
Heaven is here and now if we let it be.
It feels like old times again.
I have been making memories, just the same as before.
( You are so beautiful.
It’s beauty reflecting something bigger. That is indeed the bitter-sweet irony.
I dreamed this once before.
But my skin got so thin that I choose to disappear. )
My heart is a stone wall; you are a miner.
I am coffee pot; you are the liner, Catch me as I spill over. Spill over.
God you gave me everything. But I keep holding my breath.
Change my mind.
Change my mind.
If I am ready to let it.
Can you let me know?
If she’s the motivation can I stand on my shaky legs?
I think I get it God, I don’t.
I still love Green and Blue and the ”Thank You.”
My God thank you for green and blue.
Amen.
Dear Heavy Heart,
If you can’t make any sense, reach into the chest.
If you don’t see the point, try to lose your eyes.
If it’s hope you lost, you should lose YOUR mind.
I love, my heart for feeling you.
I love, my heart for feeling you.
I love, my heart for letting you slip two cents in.
It’s heaven sent,
For a heavy-heart like you
I’d paint the ocean sea.
paint the greens that rest in between.
You make it seem so easy.
If you feel tired, feel your beating heart.
If you change your mind, change the pace instead.
I could give it all away, I hope to get a chance.
I love to entertain the thought.
You got a heavy heart, come on and crush me.
God knows It’s what I believe I need.
Posted by Bobby 
Posted by Bobby 
Posted by Bobby 
