Logically

How hard is it.

Refresh and waste
Preserve with haste
Darling, laugh a little too
Like a Spinning clock or vicious dogs,
We bite away our youth

I fell in love.

The past couple of weeks have been weird.
Why?
I have fallen in love.
(Yeah really.)
Deeply.
Passionately.
Worry-free.
Unexplainable.
Pure.
Captivating.
REAL.
Ele, Oh, Vee, Eee ( sound it out )

It keeps me up at night. I toss and turn just thinking about it.  I lay awake smiling and patient. Waiting for the time when love comes full circle. It is a love sent from the heavens. Deep and true. Both simple and demanding of awe. It is more more beautiful than any words; this love.

Yet I keep it quiet.

Tucked away.
Because this love.
It’s the shhh…  kind of love
The whisper in your ear kind of love.

Wanna know about my love?

I never thought It would happen to me.

For some reason the past couple of nights I cant sleep thinking about Africa.
It is like the first time I fell in love.
Fresh.
New.
Innocent.

I know deep in my heart now is not the time to go back.
(Something I was unsure I would ever feel the need to do.)
It took a LONG TIME for my heart to feel like this about Africa.
To be appreciative of every single detail of my previous trip.
I know deep in my heart of hearts I will go back.
I have to go back.
But for now I am going to tuck that love away.
Let it grow.

My heart is overflowing with love.
The Lord has been good in protecting me, saving me from compromise.

Starting over fresh feels good.

Psalms 26:3
for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.

Psalms 31:16
Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.

Quick Update and Reflection.

I will start with a quick update on what has been going on lately and then leave you with something I wrote while I was in Kenya.  Enjoy.

Update

• TOMS shoes postponed the trip to Argentina in FEB. due to lack of volunteers and funds. BUT I have been invited to go in March. It actually works out better as now I have more time to raise money and prepare for this awesome opportunity to serve.If you are still interested in giving I have had a great response. You can do so via paypal, money order cash or check! ( email me at robert.k.russell@gmail.com for more info )
• Playing music at Oak Leaf Church has been really great and God is really showing me what it means to serve without any thought of being compensated. In other words ”Doing unto the least of these” as Jesus would say.
• I am fasting from Facebook and Myspace AGAIN! This time though I  have entrusted my log-in and password to a friend of mine so the temptation of becoming addicted and wasting time on the Internet should be dampened for the next year
• I am a vegetarian.
• School is tough. I don’t know anyone in my classes this semester so it’s a little tougher than last semester , BUT I am going to get this done!
• I updated my videos section page
• Taylor Swift is really good. You should buy her newest album.

Reflection from Africa
April 30th 2008
” Her Heart ”

• As you make my heart right ( God ) I rind myself finally feeling the love you promise. You soften my heart and it hurts. My past self is screaming to hold onto everything it knows. You know that things are going to improve for me, I am learning the proper methodology.

With that being said:

I want to fight for her heart. I want to lead her closer to you. To be one with her on a spiritual level. That she may be my companion, we can fight together, for your heart, oh God. Her beauty is reflective of your light. Her face shines with the very sun that you saw was ”good” Her hair is soft like flowers in bloom. The smile she exposes upon the world could lift a sunken ship from the depths; not unlike the spirit of my heart. Her heart beats in rhythm with you; a quality often sound but rarely found. When she is away I am like a guitar with no strings, a piano with no keys, or even the color blue without green. Teach me Lord to love her the right  way. Give me the chance but let me wait.  For I will fight to prove it is true. If my heart should every turn sour, protect her.  For i can not stand the thought of doing more wrong. I can no longer dance to that tune. Be thou my vision Lord. teach me the art of being in love. The more I embrace you the more I feel the reality of good it feels to pour my heart into a companion. Brothers and sister alike, Lord God you lead me in it all.

Time To Leave Again.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else,is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight.
Never stop fighting.” – E.E. Cummings

Everything about me is going to start changing.
Self aware, my habits are less altered and more obedient.

I dont have the money to leave. But I am going to leave.

TOMS shoes has given me the amazing opportunity to travel and be a part of a shoe drop in Argentina and I think it would be ludacris for me to pass it up.
With that being said I am again going to be raising a lot of money in a short amount of time.

God willing, I am going.

I will be gone from FEB 7th – 14th.

What can you do to help?

Do you have any jobs you need done?
Ill mow your lawn, watch your kids, clean your bathroom, hang with your grandma, and everything in between.

Are you a musician who needs extra gear?
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/msg/984752176.html

Need an I-pod?
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/ele/984800486.html

I will do what ever it takes to raise the funds but if you have some extra cash laying around and want to just toss me some pennies nickles and hundred dollar bills you can do so via PayPal:
HERE:

A New Set of Eyes.

My Parents just got a new camera ( A Nikon D300 with an assortment of really nice lens’ to boot ).

Over the last couple days I have had the opportunity to steal it from them for a few moments.

I am not really one for editing photos in Photoshop simply because I am a layman, so with that being said these are straight from my lens to your screen.

My family had Christmas early this year, because my Dad was going to be out of town for work.
Christmas felt weird on a Monday.
I don’t know if it was because we held this Christmas early or the fact that I was horribly sick.  “
Or maybe a combination?
BUT.
It was good to spend time with Family even from the couch.
I hope you get to spend some time with loved ones and cherish some good old fashion down time.

Spend some time in prayer this week preparing your heart for Jesus!

Not Planned.

I woke up today pretty early to my stomach turning over and my head pounding. Instantaneously I sat up in bed fully awake. After trying to sleep for the past 4 hours i started praying and this is what came out.

I only share things such as this because I hope that as a community of believers you are either encouraged or can encourage me in the process we share to seek Jesus.

1.

The insigtful words I say, be them few. Are fading quickly.
Closing my mouth to hear nothing but my head.
I find naysayers, ”Nel” sitting in the foyer.
Like a hint of green in the sea of brown.
Like a hint of tea underneath the ground.
The miner she remains,
Digging ever deeper,
Choosing to look the other way.
I am, what I am not.
Or at the very least I aim to be.
Still I cry out for grace.
The very exhibition of ”this” makes me a likely cause.
God lead the way.
I request at the whole to bring joy peace and life.
I implore and beg. I kick and fight.
Still I find the false outlet.
The ”Enemy’s” delight.
I wake up every morning fighting the wrong right.
I wake up every evening dreaming about light.

Updated

As you can see I updated my blog by adding some page tabs and custom header.
WOW.

I know right?

My Expectations.

I woke up today feeling really inadequate and down for some reason.
This post is just a collection of free writing. My thought process upon waking up.
Enjoy.

Free Writing.

Jessica.

I keep waking up within an inch of Hell.
I need a new bed, a new dust to chase.
If I hold my breath long enough
Maybe I can wake up.
You were the wine that filled my cup.
The hand that picked me up.
Jessica, come home soon.
It would be good for me.
Close my eyes, and God can I see.
You would be so good to me.
I swear I could be the firework that lit up your sky
That feeling , midsummer July.
Jessica, my actress you could never understand why.
But I swear I will try.

- The End.

A soft word.

Clap your hands you vagabonds.
You have a lot to say.
Speak to me?
Well I have a home and it is hard.
The race you’ve won,
I have just begun.
Dropping stones moving mountains and forgiving souls.
Dropping stones moving mountains and forgiving souls.
Finally I caught a word.
The words you speak,
On my tongue.
Honey and water sweet to the brim.
Another new day I am ready to begin.

A Side Note

Saturday If you want to be a part of a huge service opportunity in Atlanta, eating WITH the homeless please let me know. I am really excited to get to see a small glimpse of Heaven as a community of peopole join together to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Before I cared.

I have been given some incredibly opportunities lately.
Or rather I am more aware of the opportunities in front of me.  

There’s some cool stuff going on and I will elaborate at a later date.

Other stuff:
I wrote a song.
I used to write songs more often and share them.
Now I don’t.
Here is a poor attempt to explain my life in prose.  

Hold still.

Oh tis’ the easy season.
A home being built within my arteries.
With the fireside and candles all but lit,
I will finally rest my weary soul. 
Find that place to sit. 
The mice and mantle clearly in plain view,
The contents of this home, clearly big enough for you.
I sing and rest my head.
Hope to God it’s true. 
Most of all it’s you.
As I find the warmth of luxury that I cannot afford. 
My laughter shall return. My laughter shall return.

Global Canvas.

Taylor Wynn has really encouraged me in the past week to continue to seek God’s will for my life. 
Our talks have really re-kindled some of the passions I have to start a non-profit orginization. 

My idea is to tie art and community into a form of giving. To fight on a global level the lack of education and to do so by establishing some sort of community.

 I can’t stand the thought of just tossing money at a problem. I want to see real people concerned about the state of things. Real people transcending the understanding they have of each other for the purpose of bettering the world.

I keep asking myself some very fundamental questions:

What would it look like if we decide EVERYONE is important?  Like EVERYONE was a beautiful, planned, awe-filled creation of God?

How would it look to ask children in third world countries to paint artwork and sell that artwork so that the basic needs they have could be met? How could this all work logistically?  Could I partner with existing non-profits? Is this even a good idea?

All these things are trivial. God has a plan for me and knows my desire to loose myself in him.
To have his idenity and not my own.
My prayer is that I am able to recognize God when he is moving.
I want to get to the point where I stop questioning where God is.
The point where it becomes a struggle to see somewhere God is not.

Just some thoughts.